Like many countries these days, France requires all food products to be marked with a sell-by date. And like all sell-by dates, in the mind of the consumer they imply (but don’t actually mean) that the food will instantly turn rotten and probably toxic on that precise day.
Which is why I found this date stamp on a jar of Chinese barbecue sauce so amusing. I bought it in Paris in 2016, and it’s marked as good until 2030. Even though it’s meant to be smeared on meat and eaten, the stuff is so inert, so impervious to alteration, that it lasts longer than a car. There are walls in my apartment that are probably going to crumble before this sauce goes bad.
But beware! If you happen to own a jar from this same batch, mark that date on your calendar. If you still have any left on October 3, 2030 (the month comes second in French date abbreviations), be sure to get up early in the morning and spread it on your toast for breakfast, because it’s going to turn to deadly poison at 9:36am! Don’t forget!
Note to readers: I have good news and bad news. I’m writing a book. And for that reason, until further notice, C’est Ironique will appear in this new, shorter format. Which is the good news and which the bad is subject to debate.
An album of David Jaggard’s comic compositions is now available for streaming on Spotify and Apple Music, for purchase (whole or track by track) on iTunes and Amazon, and on every other music downloading service in the known universe, under the title “Totally Unrelated.”
Note to readers: David Jaggard’s e-book Quorum of One: Satire 1998-2011 is available from Amazon as well as iTunes, iBookstore, Nook, Reader Store, Kobo, Copia and many other distributors.